Try to understand that some days I almost convince myself that there is nothing wrong with me. . .and then there are days when I have no doubt that my head is not working normally. These later days are the ones when you’re most apt to find me down in spirit. Try to understand that I am really finding it difficult to believe that this is really happening to me.
Jeanne Capp, member Early Stage Support Group, Marlborough, NH, Redwood Caregiver Resource Center
She knew exactly where she was but had never felt more lost in her life.
Still Alice, Lisa Genova, p. 97
She wished that she had cancer instead. She'd trade Alzheimer's for cancer in a heartbeat....With cancer, she'd have something that she could fight. ....Alzheimer's disease was an entirely different kind of beast. There were no weapons that could slay it. Taking Aricept and Namenda felt like aiming a couple leaky squirt guns in the face of a blazing fire.
Still Alice, Lisa Genova, p. 117
On those quiescent days, she was her normal self the self she understood and had confidence in. On those days, she could almost convince herself that...the genetic counselor had been wrong, or that the last six months had been a horrible dream, only a nightmare, the monster under her bed and clawing at her covers not real.
Still Alice, Lisa Genova, p. 154
Yes, she didn't remember eating dinner with John tonight or where he'd said he was going. And she might very well not remember this night in the morning, but in this moment, she didn't feel desperate. She felt alive and happy.
Still Alice, Lisa Genova, p. 146
Her brain felt overwhelmed and begged for rest....She could feel herself slipping that demented hole. Alone.
Still Alice, Lisa Genova, p. 213 and 216
Is it possible to find something redeeming while living with a heartbreaking illness?
Ten Thousand Joys & Ten Thousand Sorrows, Olivia Ames Hoblitzelle, p. 2
When I’ve woken up these last few days, there’s been no one home. The blackboard is erased. You’re supposed to be able to pick up where you left off—to remember something. But there’s nothing. You wake up and you don’t know where you’re going today or what you’re supposed to be doing; it’s very unsettling. I want to be able to teach, to remember enough to do that. But I can’t remember the ideas I had yesterday. All erased. It feels like a defeat
Ten Thousand Joys and Ten Thousand Sorrows, Olivia Ames Hoblitzelle, p. 36
"It’s different—this having to slow down. But it’s not grim,” he said. “It’s not about just accepting this new world of ‘slowth,’ but enjoying it! Lightness and spaciousness and humor are what it’s about."
Ten Thousand Joys & Ten Thousand Sorrows, Olivia Ames Hoblitzelle, p. 101
I strive to keep the focus today on living with Alzheimer’s, not dying with it.
On Pluto: Inside the Mind of Alzheimer's, Greg O'Brien and Lisa Genova